Cydonia

hystericali · Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 11:30 pm Post subject: Muse on Uncyclopedia

these are hilarious!

Muse's entry: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Muse

copy and paste in case it gets deleted

Muse
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
INHUMAN CONTENT WARNING
Evidence has shown that this page may have been written by an alien, and therefore all information (unless it was written by a politician) should be taken seriously.

This Muse Track List is thought to contain a deep hidden meaning, though currently it remains unbroken.“I have a revealing black hole to show them.....”

~ Noel Coward on Muse
“Sing for Asphyxiation.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Muse
“Run!!....RUN!!!!!”

~ Muse on Dr Evil and anyone running at the moment
“I don't remember singing on any of their songs.”

~ Thom Yorke on Muse
Muse (also known as moose) are a progressive symphonic classical alternative heavy metal insane drumming British alien communist synth space rock band formed in Teignmouth, Devon, UK in 1994. Or they may be a band from Mars England, called Queen, or even radiohead as has been claimed by notable historian Thom Yorke, OBE. Due to a lack of pretentiousness, a lazy eye, annoyingly boring tracks, and rampant psychedelic usage, it is doubtful that they are, in fact, Radiohead.

They are only the greatest band ever. To ever come from Britain. After the film Radiofish. Their music incorporates various musical styles: from amazing to more amazing. More recently Muse turned to a teenage mainstream abuse band.

Contents [hide]
1 Formation
2 Conspiracy
3 Subliminal Messages In Muse Songs
4 Muse Allies
5 Muse Hitlist
6 Attacks launched by Muse
7 Muse Live
8 Muse Albums
9 See also

[edit] Formation
Matt Belle Amy is an alien, as is common knowledge, who often sings about his home planet of Sirius B-42-V in his music. Indeed, "Starlight" refers to the ship that the primitive peoples of the Sirian solar system managed to build. Because of this, nobody knows his true name, or indeed how his anatomy works, but it is clear from his remarkable, catchy yet evil voice that he must have no testes. His fondness for young Armenian boys has led many to conclude that he is indeed a closet homosexual. One must also take into consideration that the song "Knights of Cydonia" refers to a region on Mars that he is very fond of. The cover of "Black chickens and oysters" features four men sitting on a table on the surface of Mars. This is proof to the fact that he is indeed an alien and that he is looking for others who are alien. "Sunburn" refers to the fact that his skin fries easily due to the fact that it is -100 degrees on Sirius B-42-V. "Exo-Politics" is him fighting against the government's opposition to his fellow Sirians. "Muscle Museum" refers to strange Sirian fetishes. "Stockholm Syndrome" is an area on his home planet where people sing in high voices about cheese. If I went into any more detail....your head would explode. Despite being part of an alien race that has barely any musical abilities, Matthew Bellamy is hailed as one of or the greatest guitarists of the 21st century, capable of shooting fire and lightning out of his Sirian-made guitar, and play it without actually holding or knowing where it is. His whiny voice also proves that he is, in fact, an alien. His life goal is to make Thom Yorke cry everyday. The band "MUSE" is just a by product of this.

Chris Wolfenstein is a different story. He is actually black, despite what many would expect. How else would anyone be able to drop a fat-ass bass line? The reason that nobody has ever notice this is that Chris Wolstenholme cannot be looked at directly, as he is a small but very deadly black hole which Matt Bellamy brought with him on the way to Earth, and forms a blank spot on the retina which all sentiant beings simply refuse to acknowledge. it is rumoured that he can be seen at night when there is a waxing gibbous moon and the sun is in Ophiuchus, but this is yet to be proven. He has the ability to use an electric guitar WITHOUT A PICK.

Demonic Coward met the other two members of Muse in a bar in 1994, and chancing to see Chris Wolstenholme partially out of the corner of his eye, his talent was sucked out of him on the spot. The Waorani tribe beleive that his teeth when extracted can harness the power of the sun, moon and stars. He has the ability to smash metal instruments, and enjoys the company of small fluffy animals to sup of an evening.

Muse formed a few weeks after the aforementioned 'bar incident', releasing their first EP just ten days later, entitled merely 'Improvised'.

[edit] Conspiracy

Matthew Nobelly's fetish for dolls led him to purchase this life size Italian Barbie. The song Plug-In Baby was written for it.Muse often hide cryptic messages within their song titles, album names, and lyrics. These cryptic messages often turn out to be anagrams or other codes, which in turn seem to form parts of a larger as-yet unsolved puzzle which many Muse fans and conspiracy theorists believe contains top secret information about government affairs with aliens, which Matt has acquired using his alien skills. The government still insists that it is all a coincidence.

It is thought that due to increased suspicion from officials in the government, future anagrams require ever more complicated methods of decryption, including Caesar squares, the use of an M-3 Enigma naval simulator or even Welsh.

Another Muse conspiracy is the song Assassin, which was created to destroy future rival bands. Any drummers attempting to play Assassin would find that they end up hitting themselves in the face and/or crotch with their sticks, thus ruining the potential of any bands trying to challenge Muse and granting them universal supremacy over everything.

Matthew Bellamy is widely regarded as the sole reason for the fall of the Soviet Union and is therefore considered a demi-god in rural regions of Russia.

The song "Hysteria" is actually about Oscar Wilde.

[edit] Subliminal Messages In Muse Songs
Subliminal warning: Hidden meaning or influence may follow. (if you can't read this, it may be too late!)

The strangest subliminal message of all can be found in the song Blackout, which although it has at least 20 different words (apparently) and various instrumental gaps, appears to repeat the words 'God Help Us we Sing Like bloody Goats' over and over for the whole song. Matt Bellamy has claimed to have put this message in deliberately, but these lyrics would suggest self-deprecation, which is a skill that Sirians are not capable of, except for three. "Apocalypse please" also has subliminal messages, four or five of them. If it is played backwards, it doesn't say "Great Wilbraham"

[edit] Muse Allies
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Muse.Muse have earned some allies in their music land, when they encountered and helped the strange Dwarf clan exiled from Dwarfland for not having 7 members in their clan, called The Cooper Temple Clause. Muse are also great fans/members of the religion Shazaam. Muse are also in a loose alliance with the Christian soft rock Gorgoroth, as both are involved in a war with the extreme black metal band Orson.

[edit] Muse Hitlist
Along with their allies Muse have devolped a hitlist of people/other non living creatures. Although the content of all the list is not fully known, as the piece of paper it was stored on was hidden in the 6th chamber of the 6th floor, on the 6th staircase in Hogwarts castle. This was only recently discovered on the 6th of the 6th, 06. Which of course relates to the apocalypse. By the way, the time was 6:66 PM.

The Hitlist Includes :

The Fifth Horseman (hence there only being four now)
Jeff Buckley ("Matt" needed to steal his man-woman voice)
Thom Yorke (obviously)
Kurt Cobain (They succeeded 1.3 decades ago)
Yasemino (because she is sexy and she can play better then matt)
That One guy
Beethoven
Mario
Burt Reynolds
Mr. T
Radiohead
Artie Lange (what a c***)
Master Chief
Maverick Record company
Nero
Bill Gates
Harry Potter and all his little friends
Linus Torvalds
Steve Jobs
John Cleese
John Travolta
Graham Chapman
Dr Phil (as described in Filip)
Vinnie Jones
Dr Doolittle
Chris Martin
Dr Evil
Christopher Troy Wolstenholme
Dominic James Howard
Matthew James Bellamy
James Tiberius Kirk
Vanessa Feltz
Next-door's Cat
Trogdor (targeted to be the last victim due to their likely hood to fail and themselves die, deeming them unable to finish the hitlist)
The gang of meddling kids and their damned talking dog, because he would have gotten away with it...
How many more of these can be put in before it becomes unfunny? Do you know? Of course you don't...no one does.
[edit] Attacks launched by Muse
In recent years since their formation, Muse has launched several armed assaults on people and animals regardless of their presence on the Muse hitlist. These attacks are on the news everytime you think the weather forecast is over (however, they are subliminal). Victims of Muse attacks up till now include:

Everyone on the Muse hitlist except for Vinnie Jones and Dr Evil (both have been rumoured to be running away together to seek the wisdom of Felatio
Your mother
Your face
George Bush's ideas and policies
WALLmart
Paul WALL
CornWALL
A WALLrus (evidently, they have a thing for walls)
WALLnuts (not just the edible ones)
David Hasselhoff
Britney Knife
Kurt Cobain's guitar
Every superhero you ever wanted to be
Geeks, nerds and squares
Jimmy Kane'
Justin Pokorski
Ryann Boyd
These attacks are launched in various methods. However, the most common one is when Matted Bellamy uses his guitar to play Assassin, sending assassinative sound waves to assassinate his targets. Chris Wolstenhome uses his bass to make escape impossible. Dominic, however, takes notes and marvells at his bandmates...

Symptoms of being Muse-attacked are (since some attacks are SUBLIMINAL!):

A sudden craving for ice lemon tea on sundays
The feeling that TIME IS RUNNING OUT
Uncontrolable urge to reproduce assexually
HYSTERIA
SPACE DEMENTIA
Frequent utterance of the 5th Ammendment
The development of a SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE on your myspace
Make you crawl in Matthew Bellamy's cave
Up to date, only 3 people have survived a Muse attack. They are now scarred for life and are currently residing in the Ruins of Pompei

Even more up-to-date, the 1st survivor died after Muse found him buying coffee in a starbucks near downtown. One witness reports, "they crucified their enemies, man. It was totally hard-core."

[edit] Muse Live
The media of the day regard Muse as a great live band, and this is shown by the fact that the band have won over two awards since the start of their music career. However, unbeknownst to them is the secret brain deterring wavelengths that Muse's music produces, which put mere humans in a trance-like state of enjoyment and awe. This phenomenon is evidenced by a selection of quotes I have collected: [And by I, we of course mean an unbiased and reliable scientific source]

"Wow Muse were good weren't they?"
"YES MASTER"
"Did you see the fireworks"
"YES MASTER"
"Amazing weren't they. I particularly liked when he transformed into a woman and gave me fellatio"
"YES MASTER"

[Conversation post-muse concert between a Muse fan and a kitchen sink].

[edit] Muse Albums
Slow Whiz
1. "Moonburn" – 3:54
2. "Emo kids" – 4:23
3. "Ryan Phillip" – 4:01
4. "Falling Up" – 4:34
5. "Hole" – 4:46
6. "The Shoob Whiz" – 5:16
7. "Intended" – 3:57
8. "You Aren't In My Top 8 Anymore" – 3:38
9. "Drunk" – 4:04
* "Fuzzy Noise" (bonus track between "Drunk" and "Arrival" on North Korean release) – 4:44
10. "Arrival" – 3:31
11. "Overdue by hours" – 2:26
12. "Love This & I'll Let You Do Me" – 5:09
Orgies of Humility
1. "New Porn (Yes)" – 6:01
2. "Bliss via destruction" – 4:12
3. "Space Exploration" – 6:20
4. "ADD" – 3:20
5. "Plug In Baby - Made In Japan" – 3:40
6. "Uncyclopedia Erased" – 7:19
7. "Enormous c***s" – 3:38
8. "Queenager" – 4:20
9. "Light Shines" – 4:47
10. "-.-'" – 3:19
11. "Ancientism" (Japan Bonus Track) – 3:27
12. "I Think I'm Soooooo Great - Sincerely M.Bellamy" – 4:38
Hullapaloozabalala
1. "Forced Out" – 4:18
2. "Surviving Universe" – 3:06
3. "Lunchtime YAY!" – 3:35
4. "No, Thanks" – 3:05
5. "Map of Your Balls" – 4:23
6. "Cliffs Are My Friends, I Partictulary Enjoyed Beachy Head" – 3:39
7. "Shine Electric Acoustic" – 5:12
8. "Not Afraid" – 3:47
9. "The Gallery's Secret" – 3:30
10. "ADD Music" – 5:28
Abortsolution
1. "Stomp Stomp StompStompStomp" – 0:22
2. "Knights of Cydonia Please" – 4:12
3. "Time is Divorcing Me" – 3:56
4. "Sing for Masturbation" – 4:54
5. "Homo Syndrome" – 4:58
6. "Falling Away with Gravity" – 4:40
7. "Internet" – 0:37
8. "Chaotic Randomness" (Bellamy/Wolstenholme) – 3:47
9. "WhipeOut" – 4:22
10. "Butter Pie and Curry Stains" – 5:01
11. "The Giant Print" – 3:28
12. "Desperately" – 3:49
13. "Thoughts of a Dying Fundamentalist" – 3:11
14. "Pwned By Noobness" – 4:54
Slack Holes and Fornications
1. "Rake A Hoe" – 4:35
2. "Shit light" – 3:59
3. "Supermassive Black Hoe" – 3:29
4. "Map of the Prober, Static" – 4:18 (Also bound to attract lots of bad remixes)

6. "There Is No Fifth Song" – 5:00
7. "Ass Ass In" – 3:31 (notably covered by Wyclef Jean)
8. "Ex-O-Alcoholics" – 3:53
9. "City of Defecation" – 4:48
10. "Hoedown (Feat. Dolly Parton)" (Bellamy/Paris Hilton) – 3:43
11. "Knights of My Bone (yeah)" – 6:06
12. "Holyarse" (sponsored by the Pope's bottom) – 4:38
13. "Someone Spent Way Too Much Time Making Fun Of Our Song Titles With Bad Puns. They Have
Been Taken Care Of, This Song Consists Of Their Screams As We Stole Their Soul And
Used It To Remix A New Song" - 10:61
[edit] See also
The People's Republic of Socialist Romanistan
Moose
Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Muse"
Categories: Music | Musicians | Bands

The People's Republic of Socialist Romanistan: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/The_..._Republic_of_Socialist_Romanistan

copy and paste in case the originals ever get deleted

The People's Republic of Socialist Romanistan
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
“In capitalism man exploits man. In communism, it is the other way round”

~ A peasant in a commune in Kalizhinkstahan on the reversibility of two purportedly mutually exclusive economic schools of thought
The People's Republic of Socialist Romanistan
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)

Motto: "Don't waste your time or time will waste you"
National Anthem: Knights of Cydonia

Official language Romanistonian
Capital Cydonia
President Matt Bellamy
National Heroes Chris Wolstenholme, Dominic Howard
Independence 1495
Currency Cydonites
Religion None - Atheism
No. 1 Export Music videos
National Policy: Communism
Ethnic Groups - Romanites, british-band geek
The People's Republic of Socialist Romanistan is a glorious nation in central Europe that rose to prominence when the British band Muse chose to shoot a music video in the town of Cydonia. Due to this newfound notability, great things have come for the people of The People's Republic of Socialist Romanistan. Although most people were unaware of its existence until some months ago, the country has been a beacon for all socialist nations, with a succesful and dynamic market, happy workers and a state-driven economy that would shame the morons who dare oppose socialism.

Contents [hide]
1 People
2 Anthem and symbols
3 Muse
4 Currency
5 Famous symbols
6 Not to be confused with:

[edit] People

A typical street in The People's Republic of Socialist Romanistan
A sign indicating Cydonia's populationThe country is mainly desertic and arid, and consists of a few scattered houses. The total population peaked 143 in the 1970's but it has been steadily declining ever since. An evil man with a hat that likes to kidnap beautiful women clad in tight white futuristic suits is among the population of this succesful country. The people go about the country's limits using horses, being careful of not violating Poland's borders, since that has caused some problems in the past. Watch out for cowboys shooting lasers. SHOOP DA WHOOP.

[edit] Anthem and symbols
Knights of Cydonia, by Muse

[edit] Muse
“It was a JOKE. A bloody joke. A video that's supposed to be FUNNY. Enough?? The goddamn country doesn't exist. Enough with that shite already!”

~ Muse on The People's Republic of Socialist Romanistan
“Those motherfucking, c***-licking, shit-eating, piss-drinking, tit-sucking, fucking cocksuckers keep making up quotes that I never said, and I'm fucking sick of it.”

~ George Carlin on Uncyclopedia
[edit] Currency
The cydonites are worth approximately 3.1416 dollars each, but are subject to fluctuations of the world market and are a VERY STABLE COMMUNIST CURRENCY WITH NO PROBLEMS OF STABILITY AND FLUCTUATIONS WHATSOEVER. ALL HAIL ROMANISTAN!

[edit] Famous symbols
Cinema Europa International
Gustof von Müsterhausen
[edit] Not to be confused with:
Sardinia
Sardines
Zorgon
Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/The_People%27s_Republic_of_Socialist_Romanistan"
Category: Countries

_________________

**********************************
MUSE CALENDAR 2006/07
27th August 2006 - Leeds Festival
17th November 2006 - Nottingham Arena
18th November 2006 - Sheffield Arena
16th June 2007 - WEMBLEY STADIUM
**********************************

Museclues · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:26 pm Post subject:

all i can say is hilariuos!!!
_________________
'Registered Pieaholic'
Keeper of:
Dom's Trousers [and stufffs] drums, and eyes
Chris' Pedro Mustache and Glasto/Wembley Bass
FOOK IT!!!
Matt's voice

StarlightInTheGloom · Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 9:45 pm Post subject:

Aww ali, you find some funny stuff, how do you find all these stuff?

It made me giggle

_________________
'Registered Pieaholic'

Keeper of:
Matt's Silver Manson and Guitar Faces
Dom's Spiderman Outfit
Chris's Crazy Headbanging