Cydonia

Illuminatist

This is just for fun. If you lack sense of humour don't read it.

Source: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chris_wolstenholme

“We tried to get Chris to act as Mrs Punch, but he told us to piss off, sadly.”

~ Dominic Howard on Chris Wolstenholme

Christopher Troy Wolstenholme was born fifteen years before you were, somewhere over the Carribean. His father was a Unicorn and his mother was YOUR MUM! Ahahaha. His favourite passtimes are eating cheese and playing the triangle in alien space rock band Muse.

Early Life
Chris started learning bass when he was still inside the womb. This was very uncomfortable for his mother and an emergency cesearion had to be conducted. He went to school in Devon, where he made friends and had very curly hair.

Forming of Muse
Chris met fellow band members Matt My-bell-end-and-me and Demonic Coward in a bar on Mars. Matt and Dom where chatting in a corner. Chris told Dom to put some pants on and a friendship was instantly formed.

Six orgies with Japanese women later, Matt asked Chris if he would like to make some music together. Chris, assuming it was a metaphor, told him to "bugger off, you stupid poof." Dom explained what Matt really meant, and the next day they wrote their first song, "Small Bollocked".

Family
Chris is married to his sister, Lola Wolstenholme. They have fifteen children, all named Dave. Actually, three of these children were fathered by Matt. The Matt-bastards can be distinguished by their weasel-like tendancies, as well as the fact that they will eat nothing but bananas.

SuperGinge · Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 5:46 pm Post subject:

Lmao!

I've read that before...its just really funny lol

_________________
*Upcoming Gigs*
5th December - White Lies.
11th December - Paramore.
10th February - Vampire Weekend.
17th February - Lostprophets.
11th September - Muse.

Museclues · Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:36 am Post subject:

SuperGinge · Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 8:24 pm Post subject:

lol yeah, about matt sexually molesting him or something....have you read the one about matt?

That one allways makes me laugh, the mattocasters!

_________________
*Upcoming Gigs*
5th December - White Lies.
11th December - Paramore.
10th February - Vampire Weekend.
17th February - Lostprophets.
11th September - Muse.

hystericali · Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:24 pm Post subject:

they're all genius! Who ever wrote them is amazing
_________________

**********************************
MUSE CALENDAR 2006/07
27th August 2006 - Leeds Festival
17th November 2006 - Nottingham Arena
18th November 2006 - Sheffield Arena
16th June 2007 - WEMBLEY STADIUM
**********************************

SuperGinge · Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 10:49 pm Post subject:

Lol yup, and wayyyyy too much time on their hands, cause they've done it for pretty much everything...they've done one about the word "everyone"
its quite amusing

_________________
*Upcoming Gigs*
5th December - White Lies.
11th December - Paramore.
10th February - Vampire Weekend.
17th February - Lostprophets.
11th September - Muse.

Museclues · Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:56 am Post subject:

i like how it has the :::WARNING. some of this stuff isnt human::: on Muse's page!

funny how everyone has one!*looks for self*

_________________
'Registered Pieaholic'
Keeper of:
Dom's Trousers [and stufffs] drums, and eyes
Chris' Pedro Mustache and Glasto/Wembley Bass
FOOK IT!!!
Matt's voice

SuperGinge · Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 11:48 pm Post subject:

lol, there obviosuly has to be alien references, i mean, it is muse

And muse were going to take the fans from wembley to Matt's home planet, but, due to technical difficulties and george michael chewing through the cables, the plans have had to be cancelled for now....lmao, it was something along the lines of that

I wouldn't mind matt taking me anywhere

_________________
*Upcoming Gigs*
5th December - White Lies.
11th December - Paramore.
10th February - Vampire Weekend.
17th February - Lostprophets.
11th September - Muse.

Museclues · Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 5:53 am Post subject:

i would LOVE THAT!

*hyper-ly awaits in the corner*

dommmm!

_________________
'Registered Pieaholic'
Keeper of:
Dom's Trousers [and stufffs] drums, and eyes
Chris' Pedro Mustache and Glasto/Wembley Bass
FOOK IT!!!
Matt's voice