Chad

ashentara · Chad

I hope it's ok if I create a thread for Chad here... there's one on Uno..
he's no longer with us.. he died 5 months ago exactly... and i know most people here didn't get to know him, but I'll post here if you're ok.
And feel free to post too

he was an awesome guy, and he would have loved to meet you all

ashentara

hey darling, I haven't forgotten you (in the love spam)

I'm working on my Valentine's poem for you :smt055

got two valentines this year! (makex up for all those years when I had none)

I hope wherever you are, you're happy, and so is Jayme.
I"m thinking of you both very very often.. I know you haven't abandoned me and you're still watching over me from above, I can feel your presence very often and you have no idea how grateful I am for that.
I see you in my dreams often too, and those are always the best ones.
And that gives me the strength to go and and do good things. We always inspired each other to be good and make the best of every situation in life... I'm still doing it.

Anyway, I love you heaps and stacks and loads, and always will my sweet angel

H&S

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

your Xena

wildflower

Hi Chad, i didnt know you, but through Manu, i feel as if i did, you were a lovely soul, that much was obvious and i hope that you are charming everyone where you are now, with a smile on your face :-)

ashentara

Valentine poem

On Valentine’s Day,
I’m thinking about
the special ways
you have made my life better.
The little things,
the not-so-little things...
Your kindness,
the way you always listened
and paid attention to me.
You made my world
brighter and richer and you still do.
You’ve been a gift to me,
and I thank you
for being you.

wildflower

that was really lovely manu :-)

ashentara

Thanks Carroll :hug

ashentara

hey baby I've been thinking about you lots lately. I miss you.. I miss your wisdom, your kindness, they way you took all my worries away wheenver I chatted with you... you are and will always be the love of my life;
i hope you're happy wherever you are. Give a big hug to Jayme for me

i love you guys
I love you my Superman; heaps and stacks and loads xxxxxxxxxxxx

ashentara

Meeeeh! They're releasing Invincible as a single. Worldwide it seems. Do they want to kill me? arrrrr it'll be all over the radio and TV... I'll try not to cry everytime I hear it!!!

ashentara

Chad left us six months ago...
some 'anniversaries' are tough. This pill is still too bitter to swallow

ashentara

As much as I love Muse, it's really hard for me to hear about Invincible all the time, since it was "our" song..
Someone even put a thread on Uno about how well Invincible was doing in Australia, it was on the front page, I felt like I was being stabbed in the heart when I saw it..
I still miss you so much..

Helen

:smt052
hope you are okay Manu

ashentara

Chad babe, I spent an hour today again crying on my bed, curled up like a baby, missing you so much... but I swear lately, I've been "sensing" you more often... I've had "signs" that would be impossible to explain to anyone else, but I know you're here, and you havent given up on me, or abandoned me... you're still watching over me, and you're the reason I still get up every day and fight my way through the day. I know some day it will get better... I'll learn to be happy again.
here is what I just wrote for you

Gaping wood
Emptiness
Abscess
Obsession
Love forever
Fate
Incomprehensible
Soul
Soulmate
Death, life
Same things over and over again

To my love
On this special day, I wanted to write you something special
Something we both could remember fondly
But I feel like everything’s been said
I always come up with the same
Same hurt of losing you
Same gaping wood
Same emptiness in my heart which once beat only for you
Same obsession
Same anger towards that incomprehensible fate
Same love, too
Same feelings of eternity
Of belonging
We’re soulmates
Death, life, are but temporary states
It’s only the love that matters

Back one year ago we’d only “met” for about a month but already confessed to having deepened crushes (I quote you word for word there) for each other… soon we’d be confessing our love… time flies… I remember that day… when I read your mail… I was so ecstatic… I went to bed thinking “this is too good to be true”.

Turned out, it was.
But I'll never regret one thing. You gave me the best thing I could ever have wished - true and mutual love. I'll cherish that and your memory forever. See you in the next life babe

Helen

*hugs* Manu xx

wildflower

:smt056 hope you feel better soon sweetheart x

Ninja-Boy

*hugs*

ashentara

thanks a lot you guys you're all so sweet!!!

I'm getting better
don't worry about me. I'll be ok!

wildflower

hoooray, im glad youre feeling a little better, come and update us, cause we all worry about you Manu :smt052 :smt058

ashentara

awww don't worry about me Carroll
I just got through a very dark phase, but I'm slowly working my way out of it. The new meds and new therapist are good I think, I'm feeling much better, and I've been working full time for two weeks now, which I hadn't before for a long time because of all those "down" times.. I'll be ok, I truely believe it. Its just a matter of time and patience....

hugs *mwah*

wildflower

aww its so good to see you coming out of the dark place! its not a nice place to be!!! positivity is a good attitude to have if you can possibly manage it, i know its not easy a lot of the time, but youll get there, you have a good support system too, a good family and friends, and we're all here for you too :-) huggles

xx

Ninja-Boy

*agrees*

ashentara

thanks guys, you're really really sweet!

throws a pie at Steev and a hug to Carroll

Helen

:smt056

admin edit by Ali: sorry Helen, I deleted a load of smilies and looks like to one you posted here is one of the ones I got rid of as I thought no one was using certain ones anymore :oops:

edited 2nd October 2007 at 19.33pm

ashentara

I don't know what you meant to write Caz lol

but I'm ok
I have my down moments but they're to be expected
I'm in a new relationship (see guys I'm doing my best to move on) and I'm enjoying it right now. I don't know where it's going but hey it's ok

wildflower

whooo new man for manu hoooray! i think thats a good sign that you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, its a good start :-) hope it all goes well you deserve it x

hystericali

nice to see you moving on, Manu, it will be hard, but keep at it

Helen

CHRISTMAS SPAMMAGE

ashentara

Invincible was our song.

I just watched it on the Haarp DVD. I thought it would be ok. I thought I was past my crying days.

Guess what? I'm not!
I was in tears after about ten seconds. Gooood!

wildflower

hugs Manu

ashentara

the second anniversary of Chad's death will be here soon, on Sept 5th.
I've planned many things on that day, but I was hopeing to get a sort of get-together on the 4th with my friends, people who know me, knew him or knew him throgh our story.. nobody's forced to join, but it's just a friendly invitation.
It's probably gonna happen on msn

ashentara

bear with my guys, I know I'm a bit of a pain or an imposition on this..

I just had to post a message today. well it's 10.34pm here, but it's 4.34am in Aussie, so it's the fifth of September.. and I'm kinda.. "celebrating" (really not the right word) now.
So let me rant a bit... nobody's forced to read or reply. I guess this is just for me and Chad.

2 years ago I was in the exact same spot (location, I mean). In front of my computer, reading the email my best friend had sent me to let me know that Chad was dead. I can remember exactly how I felt at the time... how awful those first few hours were. A feeling of numbness mixed with unbearable pain and disbelief.

Of course things are bit less acute today.. but two years on, I'm still longing for my darling. I still miss him so much that it makes it hard to focus on other things sometimes. I manage of course, because I have to, I have to work, I have to take care of my little girl, etc. But too many nights are spent alone and weeping about lost times....
And tonight is no exception. The fact that it's the second anniversary doesn't change much - it's not more painful or less painful either. It just makes me want to take stock in a way.. and it's kinda hard. What have I done in two years, grief-wise? Besides learning to control my feelings in the presence of people who didn't welcome them (i.e. almost everybody). Besides clamming up just a bit more every day.

I want to look to the future and smile. I want to see Chad for what he meant to me, love and happiness. I want to remember the good things and not linger on the bad. I want to think about the time when we'll be together again. Most of all, I want to honour what he'd asked of me, which is to live a long and happy life.
I swear I'm trying to. Every day.
Sometimes I fail, though. But I swear I'll keep trying.

ashentara

Today would have been Chad's 28th birthday.

Happy B-day sweetie wherever you are

SuperGinge

Hugs Manu, hope you're feeling ok

ashentara

I'm ok thanks for being there ::: hugs :::

ashentara

spam spam spam!!!!!