Cydonia

SuperGinge · Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 1:32 am Post subject:

Aww Hannah, that sucks about him having a girlfriend. I can only really echo what everyone else has said though. See how it goes, but if it does end up in a kissing situation, pull him up about it and find out where you stand.
Good luck!

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ashentara · Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 11:49 am Post subject:

Ham of the Problematique · Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:01 pm Post subject:

I saw him quite a bit today, as I went to his lecture and then saw him in the library later and we got the bus back to town together.

I went to say hello when we were waiting to go into the lecture and we had a small chat, but he seemed not to want to talk/be any good at talking when my friend was there and his friend was there. He sat by me for the lecture and halfway through I wrote him a note asking if he still wanted to do something after his seminar. I sat there trembling with it in my hand for about 20 minutes, heart pounding, before I gave it to him, he makes me so nervous (in the very best way)! Anyway, when I gave it to him he smiled really flirtily/happily/appreciatively. At the end of the lecture he said that actually he wouldn't be able to see me this evening because he had to go to a work party for someone's birthday, but that he would probably see me tomorrow.

So I was a bit disheartened and went off to my seminar, in which I concentrated on thoughts of Michael and not on Functional-Typological Grammar. After that I was walking across the square hoping to see him (as I knew he was heading back to town straight after his seminar) and someone started talking to me about seeing them tonight and I must have seemed miles away. Anyway, I saw Michael walking over the square and so I said I had to go and went to see if I could talk to him again, but alone this time.

He went into the library so I went in too (I actually did need to get something out, which was good because I would have forgotten otherwise) and I went to find the Chopin before doing a lap of the third floor and then going to say hello. He was sat alone looking at an English Literature book. It was much better now we were talking on our own again, despite having to whisper. The chemistry was very much evident again, and we talked about yet more ways in which we are similar. At this point it was mounting to an insane count.

We then got the books out and went to the bus stop (remember he had that party to go to, and thought I needed to go home, completely forgetting that I was supposed to be in a lecture at that very moment). He made a comment about being stripped completely naked - which, I'm sorry, just *isn't* something you say unless you want the other person to imagine you naked. Anyway we got the same bus and sat together, and he was quiet for a minute.

He then said, unprompted, very quietly with many pauses, "I found you on facebook and was going to add you, but I have a girlfriend and don't want to upset anyone", then gave me a Meaningful Look. I had been told that I shouldn't be at all forward or initiate anything myself, but I figured it was okay to talk about it now as he had brought it up. I said that I understood, but that I had been thinking about him. He said it was lovely to be thought about, and then gave me another Meaningful Look. However, he went on to say that he had been with his girlfriend for a long time and it was "going good" and he would like it if we could be friends. I just said that everything was fine and I understood.

We went back to normal (which was nice, it wasn't at all uncomfortable) and enjoyed each other's company some more. He went as far as to say "I love your shoes. They may be the best shoes I have ever seen", which I said was the highest compliment you could give a girl. He also said that being a mature student (he is 28) he didn't have many friends but that he was incredibly comfortable around me, and I said that it was mutual. I wasn't intending to tell him (I usually get bad responses to it) but I told him that I have Asperger's Syndrome and he was even more flattered that I was able to talk to him comfortably. Then he said "You are very special, but I'd say you have normal needs". Very special! We chatted and joked some more and then swapped mobile numbers, at which point he said that I shouldn't send him messages too much because he spends a lot of time hanging around with his girlfriend.

Then I went home.

I don't know what to think now! He seems to really like me, but he also seems to want to be with his girlfriend. All I can think is that maybe I just need to be patient and eventually he will come around. I can't really do anything else, can I?

PS I'm really sorry for the long ranty post

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ashentara · Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:25 pm Post subject:

I'm thinking we should rename this thread or maybe have a new one for our boys talk lol

I'm better at giving advice than following it.. I'd say give it some time, indeed it's the best way to let things happen on their own, you know? I'm a firm believer in "if it's meant to be, it will be" so if it's meant to happen, it will. Don't forget that many a relationship starts with involved parties already in relationships... I'm not saying it's always a good thing, and I totally understand Chris' point earlier, but well, it does happen quite a lot. Some relationships just fizzle out, or time out, or whatever... I mean, look at what he TOLD you. If he was 100% happy with his gf, would he even try to explain all that?? If he was absolutely sure of himself and his relationship, he wouldn't feel bad about adding you on Facebook or texting you - there would be no ambiguity. Know what I mean?

Personally I've had two meaningful relationships in my life, and both times, I never even wondered about my bf cheating on me. When you're happy with your relationship, you don't look at other people that way. Well, just my two cents.. but I really believe that.

As for me.. Volleyball practice again tonight, more time with my crush... I'm totally confused as well, he's giving me mixed signals. Like... last week we exchanged like 40 emails maybe in the course of a few days, and even over the week-end, and it made us that much closer - like you Hannah I feel such a chemistry it's almost overwhelming. Well, who am i kidding, it IS overwhelming.
Then after all those emails Sunday/Monday I didn't hear from him, figured he was busy, but this morning I sent him a text asking him if he was ok because I was genuinely worried there was something wrong, and he replied with a very disappointing "yes, why are you asking?". I weaseled my way out of it and tried to not analyse everything as I usually do... and then out of the blue he mailed me this afternoon and it was back to the email craziness and fun for a few hours. And when he got to our sports hall tonight, I'd say he only had eyes for me. He was all smiles and meaningful looks throughout the practice.. we were on the same team and we had a blast. Someone pointed out that we were a very good fit on the field - I'm a setter, he's an attacker, and we scored a lot of points together lol

Anyway. Long rant for me too... I guess I'll have to follow my own advice and let whatever's supposed to happen, happen.
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Ham of the Problematique · Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 1:09 pm Post subject:

I split the thread so we have a whole new place to obsess over our tangled love lives.

It's so odd that he would reply to your text like that after you talked so much at the weekend! It's good that he was back to normal when you actually saw him though - maybe he was just having a bad couple of days? I don't know. Men are difficult.

I saw Michael again today and we sat together in the lecture and shared the handout (nothing but love poems), then I asked him if he had any place to be or if he wanted to go and get a cup of tea. He said that he did have a place to be, then once we were clear of all the people he started communicating to me properly what his worries were. He said that because of his feelings for me and the fact that we discussed it yesterday, he couldn't spend time with me any more because our relationship to one another was now put into that context and he couldn't think of me any other way. Obviously he can't do anything about it and so chatting outside of lectures, getting coffee together, even sitting together in lectures, to him felt inappropriate because of our feelings for one another. I said that it was understandable but that I was disappointed. He then apologised for 'being a bastard' and gave me another one of those LOOKS. The ones that mean 'I really, really like you'. And he said 'I'm sorry. You're a really wonderful person' and that he didn't want to hurt me by not being able to leave his girlfriend. I then went to get the bus and he went to the library, but before we parted ways he said that he would see me around and I said 'Well, if anything were to change... you know where I am... to be... inappropriate'. And he smiled and said (as a Superman quote) 'I'm always around'.

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ashentara · Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 10:11 pm Post subject:

this is gonna end well for u Han, my instinct says so

and I trust my instinct
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ashentara · Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 10:39 pm Post subject:

How is it going Han? Any update?

hugzzzz
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Ham of the Problematique · Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:11 pm Post subject:

No, I've seen him a couple of times but we haven't talked, he's just waved and smiled regretfully and walked on. Can't see any development happening very soon if one happens at all, given that he lives with her.
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SuperGinge · Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:01 am Post subject:

Okay, I need to rant. I apologise.

There's a guy, obviously

. I've been speaking to him quite a bit lately, and i've started having feelings towards him... I went round his on Tuesday and we just watched movies and cuddled and it was soooo nice. It was like, I actually forgot there was a 'real world' outside of his room (I know, lame), and I just didn't want to go home. So I go home and he said he had a fantastic time as well, which made me well happy, and he was like 'you should come round again'.
But it's not that simple. He has a girlfriend (of course). AND his ex-girlfriend is going out with the guy I was hung up on for like, 3 years. So people are going to think i'm doing it as some sort of 'revenge' thing to her, when it's really nothing like that.
And to top it all off he's barely spoken to me since after I got back from his. I don't know whether i've done something to offend/upset him, or if he's just decided he really doesn't like me all that much... =/ I just reallly miss him, even though I saw him like, 3 days ago

.
I also hate holidays like halloween because everyone in my family is going out, leaving me at home on my own. FML.
Guhhh. I thought venting would make me feel a bit better. It hasn't. I just want to curl up in my bed for a bit.

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*Upcoming Gigs*
5th December - White Lies.
11th December - Paramore.
10th February - Vampire Weekend.
17th February - Lostprophets.
11th September - Muse.

ashentara · Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 6:38 pm Post subject:

I'm so sorry you're feeling bad hon
I'm not sure what to say regarding that guy. His behaviour is.. weird to say the least. As usual, I'd say "give it some time"... and as usual, that piece of advice sucks. I know. I've been given it too many times too. I really, sincerely hope it gets better

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SuperGinge · Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 7:06 pm Post subject:

ashentara · Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 9:10 pm Post subject:

Men ARE confusing aren't they? We need a manyclopedia or something.
I'm starting to believe that my ex was maybe right in saying that the "Men are from Mars, women from Venus" thing was dead on... Though he was just a jerk lol.

Men dont function as we do. That I know for sure. It's not only about men/women (gender), there's a lot about personality too.. but it sure is confusing.

Anyhow, yeah, go for it, I mean, if you don't hear from him, go ask him what game he's playing. You have nothing to lose.

In all my years of dating (ah ah) I've learnt that: being honest and straightforward works.

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