Cydonia

Admin · Museaholic Joined: 27 Jul 2006 Posts: 762 Location: Earth

Hamster and Steve

From msn...

HANNAH: Oh well. I got some more writing done for once

I've done another 10 pages! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

STEVE: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HANNAH:

My chapter 3 is MAZZIVE! Like I said to Julz, 'Someone might be reading chapter three and think, 'Oh... I'll have something to eat once I've read this chapter...' But then it'll not end quick enough and they'll starve to death!!!!'. I'll be responsible for deaths around the world, because my chapter was so long! And some people are determined to reach the end of chapters before they do things! Like go to the toilet!

STEVE: Urghhhhhhhhhhhhh *imagination overload*

HANNAH:

Lolololololol

STEVE: How long did this take you, Floofers??

HANNAH: I haven't finished it yet, Floofz! I stopped to watch a movie and eat Maltesers and play piano, too

STEVE: *much later....* Floofz, it's 2010AD....finished it yet??

HANNAH: It's too long! *cries*

STEVE: I dunno, Floofz, I'm sure other writers have written very long chapters...

HANNAH: But... Think of the people!

STEVE: Oh who cares about them? Art makes it's own rules...

HANNAH: Poor people needing the toilet and not making it in time... or leaving the toast in too long...

STEVE: I feel more sorry for the people who buy the book and have to carry it home.... *imagines people with 5-metre arms*

HANNAH: Lololololololol

HANNAH: It's not that big... just double the size of my average chapter size

Average chapter size is 15 book pages. This is already on 15 and I've barely gotten to the main part yet

:

STEVE: ARGHMYGARDZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!

HANNAH:

STEVE: I wish I had your workrate...I've been writing chapter one since 1996....

HANNAH:

STEVE: ...and it's still shorter than yours!

HANNAH: This is only Chapter 3!

STEVE: How many will there be????? *braces himself*

HANNAH: At the end of chapter 3 I'll have about 60 pages already

STEVE: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HANNAH: I have 45 at the moment...not chapters

I'll have probably just over 20 chapters, but I need to finish my plan

STEVE: ...for killing the world with giant literature???

HANNAH:

And that's only the first book. *cries*

STEVE: Maybe the story will be passed from generation to generation: Grandad: 'Yes, I read chapter one...' 3006: Great grandson: 'I've finished chapter two....' etc etc Great-great grandson: 'I finished the title...'

HANNAH:

:

Lololol

STEVE: We'll all be living on the moon when you finish chapter 3

HANNAH: *cries*

People will use my book as a new measure of weight! 'An adult elephant is equivalent to one 'Fish Fingers'...' 'Fish Fingers=1 ton'

STEVE:

HANNAH: It would be used in the 'World's Strongest Man' contest

They'd have to drag it by a bit of rope

STEVE: Lololololololol

HANNAH: I could imagine them straining away with their big veins on their head ready to burst

Putting powder on their hands, gripping it at both sides.... and 'LIFT!'

STEVE: And that's before they open it!

HANNAH:

STEVE: Are you going to post it on any forums, or are you worried that the internet will break?

HANNAH:

I haven't even posted chapter 2

STEVE: I wish you had MywasteofSpace...then I could leave rubbish you messages & drive you nutz

HANNAH:

Lololol, I can't be bothererererered

STEVE: Yep, it's a complete waste of time and is very, very trivial...that's why I quite like it

HANNAH: I feel like a jam doughnut...

*later...*

HANNAH: Stteeeeeeeveo!

STEVE: Yesssssssseo?

HANNAH: *stops stopwatch* Just testing your reaction time. That's terrible, especially if you're that slow in real life.

'Steve, pass me the sugar.... .......' *hours later* 'Oh, here you go! ... Where've you gone?'

Busy being pinged, Steve?

STEVE:

HANNAH: It's like a 'Whack 'Em' game. A box pops up, but instead of bashing it, you've got to type a reply

But they just keep popping up!

STEVE: No, Floofz, only talking to one other person..I got this odd Myspace 'add me' request from a stripper, so I'm deleting it

HANNAH: D

Was it a male stripper called Rufus? *adds*

STEVE: Nope

Some airhead named 'Peachblond'...must be a spammy-type thing

HANNAH: Oh, poop.

STEVE: Gawd

HANNAH: I know... no Rufus

STEVE: : I'm sneezing nonstop

HANNAH: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WARGGHGLKJHHHHHLHILILL

STEVE: Arghhhh now my eye is watering! Think I should skive tonight....

HANNAH: Skive, skive!

STEVE: I knew you'd say: 'No, go to work!'

HANNAH: All in favour of Steve skiving? *raises hand*

STEVE: *raises hand*

HANNAH:

Yay!

STEVE: I'll ring the company shortly: 'Hello, it's St...' 'Yeah, see you Tuesday, skiver'

HANNAH:

STEVE: Whenever I skive, I try to sound ill, on the phone

HANNAH:

Me too, except I do it to my parents

STEVE: I have to fake it well though, 'cos if I sound too full of cold, they'll think it's one of the Polish people calling

HANNAH:

Lolololololol

STEVE:
'Dello, dis id Deve Dweeney...I kant dum do wurk donite, ' koz di hab uh kold'

HANNAH: Just splutter down the phone a bit! Do a big, wheezy cough for their enjoyment

Then pretend to be sick, and complain that it's all over your feet now

STEVE: Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

HANNAH:

: ...and that a big dollop of earwax just rolled out of your ear and onto the carpet. Also, you have the poops.

STEVE: Blimey, I'll use up all my credit!! Why don't I just read Chapter two to 'em?!?!?!

HANNAH: And you'd go to the toilet but you're busy reading chapter 3...and you just coughed up some sort of body part but you can't work out what it is yet. Say you'll bring it in for examination tomorrow. Then sneeze and say bye.

STEVE: Lololololololololololololol

HANNAH:

STEVE:

Waaaa, don't make me laugh!! *coughs up body part*

HANNAH: D'oh! What is it? It's like one of those jelly sweets in the shape of something, but you can't really work it out because it looks like a cross between a powerplant and a pair of lips.

STEVE: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HANNAH:

STEVE: Waaa, my nose is running....poopsville

HANNAH: When did it get elected?

STEVE: *coughs up Alpen bar* Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

HANNAH:

Owww. I kneed my desk and knocked some things off a shelf. Surprisingly, I didn't hurt myself

STEVE: Youch, be careful, Hamster - one ill twit is enough..or are you trying to own me at illness/injury?!?!?!!? *cue sudden music blast*
HANNAH: Lolololololol!!! Um... Yes! Yes, I am!

*comes down with twitfever*

STEVE: I'll see your twitfever, and raise you diptheria!!

HANNAH: D

Damn! I just caught... haemhe... oh... Noooo

I can't spell it, plus, it's not nice.

STEVE: Haemoglobin?!?!?! Hermesitas? Hermes of Praxiteles? Herman Munster??????

HANNAH: Lolololol No, I was gonna say the things that sound like asteroids, but are in fact much worse

But let's not choose them! Lets have... tuberculosis!

STEVE: Poop

HANNAH: I'm going to Poopsville! I hear your nose runs it well!

STEVE: Yes, it's been Governor for the past 30 years, thanks to reduced tax rates and rigged elections

HANNAH: D

Great! Does it have some soft of policy on turkish delight?

STEVE: Free Turkish Delight for all citizens! A ban on Alpen bars and Myspace strippers, and a Rufus WAinewright barbecue twice nightly!

HANNAH: Yaaay! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope that means a barbecue with Rufus there, not Rufus being barbecued!!! :'(

STEVE: Um, possibly....don't worry, the tide puts him out after a while anyway

HANNAH: *cries* I demand that you get sound on your pc!

STEVE: I demand that you phone my work on my behalf!

HANNAH: Steve, your behalf doesn't have a phone installed...

STEVE: *lights Rufus*

HANNAH: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOETC

STEVE: He makes lovely steaks though, so it's not personal, just a matter of taste

HANNAH: *cries* Cannibal!

STEVE: Yum!

HANNAH: NOOOOOOOOO!!! Maybe it makes you gay!

STEVE: Argh that piano's a bit tough though...!!!!!!!!!!!

HANNAH: *puts up 'Steve's GAY!' banners*

STEVE: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sends flu file to Hamster*

HANNAH: They don't say that...I'm welcoming some guy back called Steve Sgay.

STEVE: Of course! How foolish of me to think of any other reason!

HANNAH:

Waaaa, I'd hate to be called Steve Skaye

*does homework with foot* Waaaaargh!

I don't know anything!

STEVE: 'Course you do! You're the most clever person I know!

HANNAH: No I'm not!

STEVE: You are, actually, Floofz

HANNAH: But I'm looney balloony!

STEVE: But you're also Brainy McCrainey. Everyone tells me how clever you are...and they're more clever than me so it must be true

HANNAH: They're all mad!

STEVE: Only because they chat with you

HANNAH:

I need a periodic table! *writes out random comments for psychology that makes her look intelligent and thoughtful*

STEVE: Yep, always be mysterious! That way you make the teacher look inferior

A trick I learnt from Eng. Lit. lessons - they always react with rage

And if you didn't bother to read a book set for homework, just criticise it as being outdated..always works

HANNAH:

Lolololol

STEVE: I didn't get where I am today by being hard-working and intelligent, you know

HANNAH: We did an inkblot test in psychology the other day. She said that the usual response to the pictures were things like 'insect'... I was the only person who shouted out 'sorceror', and she said she'd be worried about me

STEVE: Was that really what you saw, Floofz?

HANNAH: Yep. It was really clear to me. It was a robed figure with his hands extended.

STEVE: You have the imagination of doom, as Wilde once said

HANNAH:

I saw an angel in the next one, but it was apparently a 'lobster' as every else said

STEVE: I'm never going to a restaurant with you!

HANNAH:

Most people didn't get the idea at first. The person next to me wrote, 'Blob of ink' for her first one

I couldn't stop laughing

STEVE: *orders* 'Angels and chips, please..and a sorceror of milk'

HANNAH: D

And for the last one, I saw an egyptian scarab beetle. Like the ones they used to wear on brooches. It doesn't mean I'm insane though

I just have more of an imagination. Probably

STEVE: Yeah, an artist's imagination which they don't possess

HANNAH:

STEVE: It's true...you win, Hamster

HANNAH:

What do I win? Maltesers?

STEVE: Yes, big bags of them, almost as big as chapter 3

HANNAH: Nothing is as big as chapter 3!

STEVE: Not even Space!!

HANNAH: Not even... Maybe we're like fleas, living on something huge and we don't realise it. Maybe Space is some sort of big thing we're inside, and the planets are like... molecules

Like those mites! They're so small, but they probably have even tinier things on them we could never see!

STEVE: Yes, debts

HANNAH:

Maybe there's no end to how small or big something could be. Maybe it's a big continuous thing... Like looking in two mirrors and seeing yourself over and over. Maybe we're the mites in some sort of giant mattress

It's like, if you zoomed out from all of us, maybe we're tiny things living on something else. If you kept zooming further out until you couldn't see us, we'd be a tiny part of something bigger. And that thing would be a tiny part of something else!

STEVE: It's an endless debate, Floofz..has been debated for centuries

HANNAH: It has?

I think it's mad.

STEVE: Hard to know (obviously), but it's not mad at all

HANNAH: It'd be great if we could say, 'Yeah, we live on a giant space cat'

I think about weird things like that a lot

I just can't explain them.
Like the feeling that maybe we're the only conscious thing in the universe. I mean, me myself. Maybe the people I talk to don't see things the way I do, like they're robots or something without real emotion... after all, we can't feel what they do. Do they look out of eyes and see the same things? Maybe I'm the only real person in the universe, or maybe I'm just a thought.

STEVE: Yeah, I've often thought that. It's not conceitedness, it's just that we both feel alienated, alien almost, compared to others;we sense that our perception of the visible world could be different, and... A GIANT SPACE CAT?!?!?!

HANNAH: Exactly! You kind of wonder if anyone else could really... If they... argh!

If they experience things like you do, if they really see and think like this. How could you ever see from anyone else's perspective? Maybe the universe revolves around you.

STEVE: Yep, and the question naturally follows...do we 'create' our own universe, on a daily/nightly basis?

HANNAH: That's what I think! Does anything really exist outside where we can see immediately? Do we just make it up as we move to different places?

STEVE: Yeah, reminds me of Immanuel Kant and others...is the tree in the forest still there when we're not looking at it????

HANNAH: Yep. It could be that it's just some sort of mad creation we've thought up. But then I wonder, if that was the case, why can't we control it?

STEVE: Possibly, imagination creates our universe, both inner and outer - this would explain many things, both 'normal' and to a lesser extent, supernatural

HANNAH: It makes me wonder... maybe when you sleep at night, and you dream... maybe those are to do with something. Like when you 'wake up' in your dream and lucid dream... maybe that's a more real world than this...